John writes about Diotrephes who had this problem, in 3 John 1:9,  “I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority.” Notice, that the Bible says that he “likes to be first."  Diotrephes was a church “boss”, controlling, and who ruled the church to suit his whims.   He is never mentioned as an elder or church leader, just a member who wanted control of everything.

 

He was like the type of person who would say, “I’ll just do it myself,” “It’s OK, I already did it,” or “I’ll just do it myself since no one around here can ever do it right.”

 

According to one person who studies human behavior, this is a form of “controlling abuse.” This is the person who won’t accept any help and just wants to do it all themselves. There are people in our lives who are often telling us what to do or how to do it.  It is either their way or the “highway.”  Their excuse when confronted is, “Well I am just trying to help.” They can come across as very nice and sometimes seem well-meaning but in reality, they are trying to control people and situations.   This is a type of abusive control, criticism of others, and manipulation. They’re trying to get you to match their expectations of how things “should” be because they’re trying to control outcomes to satisfy their pride.

 

Although they may seem to mean well, they are a barrier to others who can serve and be a great help to the church.  By refusing to delegate (Acts 6:2-3), share responsibility (Rom. 12:4-6), or allow others to serve (1 Pt. 4:10) they hurt themselves and the church as a whole, by discouraging others from participating.  Sometimes we wonder why no one is helping us when leading a ministry or other function in the church, it may be, the reason is staring us in the mirror.